Shockingly, Martha Has No Sense of Humor

What is a Jamaican Dessert?

Two dear friends of mine recently started a supper club and asked me to join. The deal is supposed to be that once a month they pick a theme and then one person is assigned to drinks, one to appetizers, one to side, one to entree, and one to dessert. So far we have only done it once and the theme they picked was Jamaica and I drew dessert. Even after doing a decent amount of research, I was still kind of at a loss because I needed something that would be, at least, somewhat portable. Most of the suggestions for traditional Jamaican desserts were some type of fruitcake that looked really unappealing or homemade ice creams with fresh fruit. The latter sounded great but I have no churner, and the availability of fresh tropical fruits is mediocre at best in the NE Rainbow.

In the end, I took a bunch of ingredients that are stereotypically associated with Jamaica and made the following cake which had too much rum in it...but it was pretty. I'll retrieve a picture to insert later. In the meantime try:

Like A Carrot Cake Only Drunker - serves 8

4 egg whites
2 cups flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
pinch salt
1/2 cup shortening
1 3/4 cup white sugar
2 tsp. vanilla
1 cup Meyers rum (originally I used 1 1/2 cups and that was way too much, but whatever floats your boat. you could use light rum too.)
8 oz. fresh or canned pineapple (fresh probably tastes better but canned adds more moisture)
1/3 cup coconut, flaked, plus extra for toasting

Frosting:
8 oz. cream cheese (softened)
1 cup white sugar
Pinch salt
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 cups whipped heavy cream


Preheat oven to 350, grease and flour two round cake pans.
Separate four egg whites into a bowl.
Sift 2 cups flour, 1 tsp. powder, ½ tsp soda and pinch salt.
Beat ½ cup shortening, 1 ¾ cup of sugar, 2 tsp. vanilla.
Pour rum and 8 oz pineapple chunks and some coconut into wet ingredients.
Then add egg whites, and flour mixture. Beat.

Bake cakes for 25-30 minutes until tops become golden. Cool and invert.

Put 1/3 of the frosting in between the two cake layers and finish off the top and sides of the cake with the remaining 2/3.



Toast coconut at 250 for about 10 minutes until golden and sprinkle atop the cake.

Note: You could definitely substitute butter for the shortening in this recipe, but I figured it had plenty of animal fat as it was and I had some Crisco on hand.

Next month I am doing Lebanese appetizers for supper club and am certainly open to suggestions.

Thumble Bumble: Shortbread is My Favorite

My mother, on more than one occasion, has gotten her fingers all twisted up in the beaters of an electric mixer. I don't remember the details of each incident, but I do remember thinking that it would be a)extremely painful and b)extremely difficult to do. After last night, I have a much deeper appreciation of the reality/logistics of a AND b. Whilst scraping down the sides of my mixing bowl with a rubber spatula, my beaters somehow caught the flappy end of the scraper and VERY RAPIDLY traveled up the shaft of the tool (tee hee) to my dough covered fingers. I kind of knocked the whole operation over which immediately unplugged my mixer (this is the one benefit to the very stupid/precarious location of electrical outlets in my kitchen) and then grabbed my hand and did a Peter Griffin-style-soothing-gasp of air through my back molars until the pain subsided. I did not yell obscenities or even shed a tear - just went back to the very important business of thumbprinting.

It's good to know that aside from my bubble butt, superstraight hair, generally good ear, and an appreciation of Neil Young, I have also inherited from my parents the ability to disregard an injury and remain calm. It's true. I once saw my mom cut off the tip of her pinkie finger, look at it quizzically and then ask my brother for hockey tape. Similarly, I witnessed my dad using his cordless drill to install a light fixture pause and ask me "do you smell something burn-y?" and then subsequently realize he had drilled his own finger. SICK. His reaction? "Cool! My flesh is all twisted."

Twisted indeed.

Anyway I powered through to make a few dozen of what I can safely call my all-time favorite cookies: Thumbprints. My mom was not so big on MAKING shortbread, but she always brought me Lorna Doones when she gave blood and would often put them in my lunch. Such a good lady. My mom. Not Lorna. This shortbread cookie cuts a little bit of the richness by plopping some jam in the middle. JAM.

THUMBPRINTS - makes 3-4 dozen, adapted from The Joy of Baking
2 sticks softened unsalted butter
1/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar, packed
2 tsp. good vanilla
2 eggs separated
2 cups flour
1/4 tsp. salt
many toasted, crushed nuts (I like pecans)
1 cup good quality raspberry jam

Cream together butter and sugars until light and add in egg yolks one at a time. Pour in vanilla and mix. Sift together salt and flour. Add to wet ingredients one cup at a time. Mix until incorporated but do not overbeat. Try not to mangle your own hand.

Refrigerate dough for 30 minutes.

Reserve egg whites and beat slightly.

Roll dough into cheez puff sized balls, dip in egg wash and roll in crushed nuts. Place them on a cookie sheet and make a depression with your thumb in the center. Carefully fill the depression with jam and bake at 350 for about 12 minutes.

Receive compliments graciously.

Rave - Macaroons Are Easy

Much like watching Puppy Bowl V on Animal Planet, automatic bill payment, and the 1977 hit single by The Commodores, macaroons are easy. Like, ridiculously easy.

Ian decided he wanted some last night so my piefinger was called upon. I used Ina Garten's recipe, but we were amazed to find that pretty much every macaroon recipe out there involves just three or four ingredients. And, unlike most of the things I bake, it can be easily adapted for your vegan friends and relations because you can use coconut milk and (update from my sister) dates! I also found a couple vegan recipes that use a mashed banana but I don't know...doesn't really seem like a macaroon to me. Maybe a new thing. A Nanaroon.

Basic Macaroons - From Ina Garten
1 14 oz can of sweetened condensed milk
1 14 oz bag of flaked coconut
1 tsp. good vanilla or almond extract (I grated in the zest of one orange for added interest)
2 egg whites
1/4 tsp salt


Take yer condensed milk and mix well with yer bag of coconut.
Splash in vanilla and zest and mix.
In a separate bowl whip egg whites with salt until medium stiff.
Fold whipped whites into the coconut, milk, and extract mixture.

Drop balls of dough onto parchment paper lined baking sheet and bake in a 325 oven for 20 to 25 minutes.

These are so chewy and good with just a slight meringue puff at the bottom. Dip in melted chocolate if you like. This is especially good if you add the orange zest.

*The image above is from this recipe.

Rant: That Stairwell at Work That Always Smells Like an Everything Bagel

So there is this stairwell in my office building that pretty much always smells like an everything bagel. I couldn't figure out what angle to take on this rant. There are two avenues. One - just, why? Two - it always makes me hungry. I think I have to go with the latter.

The thing is, even though it is the result of people's boots dragging in snow that melts and releases stench from concrete, this smell makes me hungry every morning. I make a point to have breakfast every morning and yet once I open the door to stairwell A and follow the guy who wears those terrible round-the-back-of-your-head fleece earmuffs up the steps, I can't do anything until I get that bagel.

Our building IS next to an antique shop...and I know that sometimes old brass instruments smell kind of nasty and garlicky...if that's what is making me hungry I think I have reached a new low. Like the time I found that piece of a tortilla chip in my belly button.

Office Cookies: Cleaning Out the Jar Edition

You know what movie is a terrible, terrible movie? Failure to Launch. It's on TNT right now and I am only watching it because the movie on ABC Family is worse and I have to do SOMEthing while I am waiting for my cookies to bake. If I have to see Sarah Jessica Parker meaningfully clutch her decolletage, or perform that "endearing" high-pitched squeal in one more production...OH wait, never mind, Mr. Mom is on the CW now. THAT is FILM.

My company moved in to a new suite on Friday and I thought that I should honor our first day of actually having real desks by cleaning out my baking jar. Do you have one of these? Some sort of container that has tied-off bags of various types of candy chips or coconut with like a quarter cup of leftover product in them? Well I was getting sick of looking at mine so I threw these cookies together. I am sure they already exist elsewhere in the baking sphere and are probably called a "turtle" something or other, but for my purposes tonight they are...

MISTER MOMS - yields about 2 dozen medium sized cookies

1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup unsalted butter
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla, almond, or orange extract
1 1/2 cups sifted AP flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup to 1/2 cups dark chocolate chips or 3 oz. baking chocolate, chopped
1/4 cup to 1/2 cups caramel or peanut butter chips
1/4 cup to 1/2 cups toasted chopped pecans
1 tsp orange zest (optional)

Okay so sift together flour, soda, and salt in a small bowl. Cream butter and the two kinds of sugar in a larger bowl until light. Add the egg and mix well. Throw in your extract. Incorporate dry ingredients in three parts and mix well. Stir in nuts and chips with a rubber spatula.

Here I am going to add a special equipment note. If you don't have one of these, get one.

This small ice cream scoop with the little release mechanism is oh so helpful, and while two spoons still work, I appreciate the efficiency and uniformity the scoop offers. Plus, it is cute.

(If you are a meat friend or family member, you may notice from these pictures that I have succeeded in growing out like three of my nails. I have found that they are also helpful tools. Oh, a meat friend is someone you know in real life, like in the flesh as opposed to just virtually. It's a term my sister uses frequently and I think it's really catching on.)

The base of this dough (meaning everything minus the chips and nuts) is a great starting point for making up a cookie that uses your excess coconut, dried fruit, candied ginger and zests, nuts, etc. My mom makes a version with orange zest, dried cranberries, chocolate chips, and oats. Everyone loves them.

I let you know how these ones go over. They have certainly...OMG Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is on Lifetime. Gotta go.

Pumpiefinger

I started a new job last week and am trying to ingratiate myself to all my new co-workers by establishing myself as the office Piefinger. It's totally a cheap trick, but I think it's working. I whipped up this pumpkin bread, left it in the break room, and people were swinging by my desk all morning. Even my boss approached me with a hunk of it in his hand and said "For my birthday..." which made me laugh really hard as an opening line.

Here's the recipe:
Easy, Perfect, Pumpkin Bread - adapted from Joy of Cooking

Whisk together:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 T fresh grated ginger root
1 T fresh grated orange peel
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1/4 tsp. ground cloves
1/4 tsp. baking powder

Combine in another bowl:
1/3 cup milk
1 tsp. vanilla or other extract

In a large bowl beat:
6 T unsalted butter
and cream in 1 cup white sugar
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs (add one at a time)
1 cup (plus) pumpkin puree

Alternate adding in the flour mixture and the milk mixture and try to do it in thirds. Be careful not to overmix. Feel free to stir in nuts or dried fruit before spreading evenly in a loaf pan. Bake for about an hour at 350. Enjoy the way your house smells.

Sorry I don't have a picture but it was gone by the time I thought to take one.