Semi-Mallmade

I know, I know. I have REALLY outdone myself this month. I mean in comparison to the sad-sad month of November I actually HAVE outdone myself, but here I am wrapping up 2008 with the tale of a face-to-face encounter with one of Piefinger's most oft- discussed people and it isn't Takes Up Two Seats.

Two weeks ago I braved rush hour snow traffic (albeit in the passenger's seat, which is much less brave, unless you count controlling the ipod in a list of harrowing tasks) to go out to the Mall of America to try and catch a glimpse of real life Sandra Lee, get an Orange Julius, and possibly talk to her about her time at UW LaCrosse. I even prepared some anecdotes that referenced local Oktoberfest traditions. Unfortunately, it turns out that you can only enter the Green Home and Garden structure in the rotunda if you have a wristband proving the purchase of one of Sandy's new books, neither of which I desire to own. If this had been an Ina Garten book signing, maybe. Even if you got yourself the wristband, Sandy and her team dictated that no autographs would be personalized and she would not allow photos. Memorizing that anecdote was all for naught.

I was surprised at all the restrictions she had on her fans at this relatively small event, but it sure made evading security in order to get this shot a very fun challenge.

Can you see her in the background there? The woman really loves to wear white. And beige. And turtlenecks. All of which she is doing in this picture. I have to say I was kinda disappointed by the messy bun and glasses but she did NOT disappoint by addressing the crowd and informing us that she "wished she could say 'it's cocktail time in here' but come in and see the beautiful holiday decor." I figured that if she didn't hot roller her hair, she probably didn't do those tablescapes herself either so there really wasn't too much lost by not getting a wristband.

By the time I hit up Williams-Sonoma, all the disappointment faded into non-existence because I saw this in the display window:

YOU CAN MAKE TINY CAKES THAT LOOK LIKE PERFECTLY WRAPPED GIFTS! I didn't buy them, and okay, my encounter with S. Lee wasn't exactly face-to-face but I'm still pretty sure 2009 is going to be my year.

Here's hoping that your new year is also filled with the analogous novelty bakeware and food network stars that are relevant to your life.

With love and pastry,
Piefinger

Probably One for Twitter

Do you guys think we have a new area of our brains that our grandparents don't have or can't access where all our usernames and passwords reside? How can we all be so good at seeing a login in page and knowing all the codes to get in there? Maybe you guys keep the same names and passwords for everything...Or maybe your grandparents have really good memories and do all their banking online.

Rant - Top Chef

For a couple of days now I have had this one lingering item on my to-do list. Somewhere buried underneath the more obvious and immediate things like "take out recycling" to the get-to-it-when-I-get-to-it "have mole removed" and finally the things that are less of a to-do and more of an outcome like "grow out nails" which will really only happen if my to-do list also includes "stop biting them", I keep meaning to write about the dessert situation on Top Chef.

This is the fifth season of the show so I have to assume that all the current contestants have watched it prior to being ON it. I would then also assume that if they intended to win they must have at least considered the sort of kiss of death moves that losing chefs made in seasons past, right? RIGHT? THEN STOP MAKING PARFAITS AND CRISPS AND FAILED PASTRIES THAT YOU CALL "RUSTIC."

I realize that these people are sous chefs and caterers and owners of restaurants and probably have always focused on the techniques and flavors and presentation of mains and proteins and sauces. But the fact is that EVERY single season a handful of contestants are faced with having to whip out a last course or a wedding cake or something and EVERY time the home viewer has to listen to the confessional interview that's all, "I'm not really that INto dessert," or, "I have never been a sweets person but I do have to make a final course. So we're going to do something REALLY fresh and make a savory sorbet!!" They always use yuzu or ylang-ylang or lavender or some ingredient that would be far more at home nestled in the exfoliating micro beads of a Dove body wash, and claim that they "just wanted to do something light to finish off the meal instead of something too sweet or creamy that would weigh you down."

Bullshit. Bring on the sweet. Bring on the creamy. Learn to bake just ONE thing. That's all they really have to do. Just have that one thing in your back pocket that you know will always impress and always turn out. It just seems like good strategy to me. If you have never made rose infused creme brulee, then don't try and demo it in a two minute segment on live TV. Stop trying to make s'mores fancy, they don't need it.

Have a no fail cake. Present elegantly and with no-nonsense. I have worked in restaurants long enough to know that what people truly want at the end of a meal is a slice of pie, a piece of cake, or some good but plain ice cream. If you have to sit and describe to them the "deconstructed tart Tatin trio with a shooter of creme anglaise" they lose interest. Even the foodie ones.

I also know that the art of pastry or a profession in dessert is very much focused on perfection. Precise presentation, interplay of varying textures, ease of service. You can't really make many desserts to order, so they require a lot of planning and skill. Baking is not about tasting and testing as you go along until it is right. If you mess it up, you won't know until it's done. It's chemistry really, and I hated chemistry so I feel for the people on the show but I don't have 100,000 dollars at stake. LEARN TO MAKE A DESSERT.

I also hate it when there is just one sushi guy, you know? And he makes like cooked sushi, and dessert sushi, and puts nori in everything. We geeeeetttt ittttt.

Potpiefinger

A few months back I went out for a most delightful brunch at Lucia's in Uptown. We got a sunny table in a cozy corner, had a buttery current scone and some not too bitter espresso drinks and THEN started thinking about what to order.

I used to be really big into breakfast food but after making millions of over medium eggs and my patented bacon waffles (those were mostly for me) for customers at the Red Rose Diner, lunch has become more of my jam. And I am hungry for it all the time. So when our server told us there was a chicken pot pie on special, I had to have it. It was very simple and delicately seasoned and none of the ingredients in the filling were too mushy or too crisp. Best of all, instead of a heavy crust, they topped the ramekin with a flaky round of puff pastry.

I did my best to re-create this beauty two nights ago. I cheated and used the pre-made rounds but I have, in the past, been known to make my own puff pastry. Okay, it was just once and it was NOT easy. This pastry is very impressive and versatile, but I warn you, only undertake this endeavor if you have a lot of time on your hands because you can never be too far away from your dough during this process.

Puff Pastry from Epicurean

2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1 pound cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/4-inch cubes
1/2 cup ice water
Flour for dusting

Directions:
Combine the flour and salt on a work surface. Scatter the butter cubes over the flour and then toss together until all the cubes are coated with the flour. Shape the mixture into a mound and form a well in the center.

Pour the water into the well. With your fingertips, as though you were tossing a salad, work the water into the flour-butter mixture until a rough dough begins to form. It will look like torn and knotted rags. Gently press the dough together so that all the dry flour is absorbed.

Form the dough into a rectangle about 6 by 8 inches and 1 1/4 inches thick. Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1 hour.

On a lightly floured work surface, roll out the dough into a 7-by-16-inch rectangle about 1/2 inch thick. With a short side of the rectangle facing you, fold the dough as you would a business letter: fold down the top two-thirds toward you and then fold the bottom third over the top. This is a single turn.

Give the dough a quarter turn so that the open seam is on your right and the closed seam is on your left. If necessary, lightly flour the work surface so the dough doesn't stick. Repeat the rolling and folding process; this is another single turn. Wrap and refrigerate the dough for 1 hour.

Give the dough 2 more single turns, rolling and folding each time and making sure to give it a quarter turn between the 2 turns so the open seam is on your right. Wrap and refrigerate for 1 hour.

Once more, give the dough 2 single turns, folding and rolling as before, and refrigerate for 1 hour before rolling out as directed in individual recipes.

*The purpose of all this turning is to get the fat and flour to make several layers on top of one another. The water hangs out in between these layers and evaporates as the pastry bakes. This is how you achieve the very airy and flaky texture.

Ladies Brunch Burger

Even for Paula Deen, this is way over the top.

I love that she follows this up with a yogurt parfait.
Some sad, insatiable part of me really really wants a bite.

French-y Vinegar Crust

Looking back over my sad amount of posts for November, I realized I haven't done an actual recipe post for awhile. I accidentally used bread flour in my Thanksgiving pie crust and they turned out disappointingly tough even with the high fat to carb ratio. But don't worry - there were six of them. Anyway, here's an alternate, French style pastry that doesn't use any lard or butter but still turns out flaky. It's much lighter than a traditional crust but still very flavorful. This is enough for two 9 inch crusts.

3 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
3 tablespoons white sugar (I use baker's sugar because it's really fine)
1 cup Crisco
1 whole egg
1 teaspoon white vinegar
5 tablespoons ice water


In a large mixing bowl, combine flour, salt, and sugar. Mix well, then cut in shortening.

In a small bowl, combine egg, vinegar, and 3 to 4 tablespoons of water. (The amount of water you use will depend on the amount of moisture that's already in your flour. You can always add a little more ice water if things don't seem to be sticking properly.) Whisk together, then add gradually to flour mixture, stirring with a fork.

Mix until dough forms a ball. If at this point the dough is still crumbly, add one more tablespoon of water.

Wrap dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 10 minutes.