Affectionate, Attentive, Divorced, 5'8"

Since those in the 55+ age group don't really understand how to manipulate social networking tools, or believe that maybe they are too educated for match.com, they, much to my enjoyment, still write personal ads. My friend Nick showed me that the very best ones can be found in the back of The New York Review of Books.

I could go about trying to write a fake ad that exemplifies how hilarious these are, but I know it would just fall short. Better yet to give you excerpts and let you see how many super attractive, super old, retired astrophysicists who read The Economist live in the Boston/NYC area. The answer is: A LOT. And they are all seeking same.

Here is a fairly typical one listed by a man:
"INTELLECTUAL ODYSSEUS (Ph.D., 66) seeking California Penelope to share the arts and life with."

It's short, to the point, non-specfic, and totally dorky.

The ones from women, on the other hand, are like completely out of control and very, very long. Here's a good one (and this is just part of it):
"Flexible definition of high art: The Sopranos on A&E, Martin Puryear at the MoMA, Grand Marnier soufflé in the Dordogne. Emotionally open and alert. Movies, meals, biking through the Cape Cod dunes; anhingas and flamingos in Florida, red-tailed hawks over Columbus Circle, Tang horses at the MFA. Stylish and heartfelt; outgoing and thoughtful. Boston/Cambridge, often visits New York. Seeks smart, warm guy, 55–68."

First of all, what are Tang horses? I know I could just look this up but NOT knowing what they are disqualifies me as a candidate for any of these singles, so I think I prefer to remain in the dark about it.

Secondly, I guess it's possible to find someone else who likes eating souffle with emotionally open widows but you would think these ladies want to leave more options open...which leads us to the age ranges.
Here is a smattering of the age ranges listed:
"55–72"
"47 to 64"
"52–66"
"55–68"
"49–65"

I'm not kidding. I cut and pasted these in. So, "stunning European novelist" if you found a guy who is in to improving rusty French, Kendall Square movies, and the Fore Street Cafe but he was 73 and not exactly financially solvent, you wouldn't throw caution to the wind and invite him along to test drive Astin Martins on your next trip up to The Cape?

Ich don't think so.