Crying on Command

Okay, the subject of this post may lead you to believe that I can cry on command. I should probably tell you right now that I can't. And in my particular line of work, I'm not really called upon to do so. Ever. Still, I used to practice this skill as a child. Partly because I had some aspirations to act on stage and partly because I already spent a lot of time talking into the mirror working on my impression of Neve Campbell's character from Party of Five. She cried, or near-cried, in practically every episode so I got a lot of time in furrowing my brow, making ugly chin, and saying "Griffin" in a halted voice while waiting for the tears to start flowing. Sometimes they would kind of well up but would stop as soon as my brain went "yesssss....victory over Julia Salinger..."

There are many other things that will ALWAYS move me to tears though. I mean real things which I would never abuse or manipulate in like a quest to cry but events which, as they happen, make tears unavoidable. These are things like seeing your own mom cry, or singing "Were You There?" on Good Friday. But if ever I am in the mood to cry just for pure old-fashioned catharsis, I don't need anything fancy, or even particularly deep. The following is a list of what I keep in my emotional reserves...or channel surf Nick at Nite or ABC Family for:

1. Little Women - the scene where Beth dies. Also the scene where sick Beth (or the Beth that you "will find much altered") gets the piano. Claire Danes can ugly cry like nobody's business and her quivering chin is so large that it practically makes tears of its own. Also the spit bubble inside the corners of your mouth? Nice touch, Danes.

2. Sister Act 2, Back in the Habit - the last song. I just sincerely feel proud of those kids. Even when they are wearing overalls and crop tops and Guatemalan knit hats and Cross Colors. My friend Sarah's little sister Jessie states that people doing things in unison is what tends to set her off. I couldn't agree more J-Man. This scene is perfectly illustrative of that.

3. Stepmom - the conversation Jackie and Isabelle have over drinks at that ridiculously inviting-looking bar. I kind of don't like that what they are talking about is a thirteen-year-old girl's future wedding but still, C'MON "my fear is...she won't" gets me every time.

4. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, "Papa's Got a Brand New Excuse" - the scene where Will's dad leaves him again and he talks about all the things he learned to do without him and then collapses, crying, into Uncle Phil's arms. His backwards hat falls off. I lose it. This is just good TV acting, people.

5. Anne of Green Gables - Matthew dies.

This is all I can say on #5.