It's Enough To Drive You Crazy If You Let It

In an effort to prepare for an upcoming karaoke outing, I listened to the song I plan to sing approximately ten times on the way to work today.

The song is 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton and it's a karaoke song that I have never performed before. As much as karaoke is still fun when it's kind of shitty, I prefer to rock it and not be caught with my proverbial pants down. So if it's a song I don't know THAT well, I like to give it a listen just to know if there is some crazy high chorus, or like, a beatboxing section that I am going to be completely thrown off by. The event for which I am preparing is just a night at The Vegas Lounge. There's no honor, no glory, and no cash prize. There are mostly drunk middle-agers that won't even perk up an ear for a youngin' unless they are singing Crazy by Patsy Cline (which I often do). But this weekend, some very special drunk middle-agers will be in the crowd, my friend Brett's parents, and I want to impress the hell out of them so they tell all their hunting buddies how Brett's cosmopolitan, Minneapolis friends are "just so talented."

But something happened that I wasn't expecting. Let me walk you through my growing ire with each reprise of the song.

First time through: "Man this is a good song! It's been such a long time since I've seen this movie...I wonder if that's what kind of ushered it the chic secretary blouse or if the blouse came first. I really wish I would have gone to Dollywood when we went to Tennessee. Maybe next summer..."

Second time: "Okay gotta get serious about learning these lyrics. They go by kind of fast and they are POIGNANT so you'll want to be sure and spit them all out and - oh hey! She just said 'out on the street the traffic starts jumpin' and THAT'S what's happening to ME right NOW. This applies so much to my life! It's my anthem! 'HEY PEOPLE OF DOWNTOWN! I AM A WORKING GIRL!' - maybe not such a good idea to announce to the warehouse district..."

Third time: "I have to try and remember to do that pretty little upswing she does on 'the tide's gonna ROLL you away' part and to not rush it. I feel so bad for her. No one knows how smart she is. NO ONE BUT ME. She is just a step on the boss man's ladder but he would never get to where he is without her. No one in country music would be where they are today without HER. She can accompany herself on her NAILS for pete's sake! HOLD ONTO YOUR DREAMS DOLLY - don't let them go and watch them shatter."

Fourth time: "Basically I have this memorized. With the help of screen lyrics I should be fine. But what is MY dream? Am I really going to spend all my life putting money in his wallet? Don't I deserve a fair promotion? WILL I EVER MAKE IT TO OPRYLAND?"

Fifth time: "I'm quitting my job."